Joke Thread

[X*Cell]

Quote: Originally Posted by WTF

Maybe I'm just being slow... but I don't get this one, lol.

yeah, me neither.

[daflyboys]

sailor....been away awhile....horny.... dyslexic..... looking for a whorehouse ..... went to warehouse instead..... get it? get it?

[Coach Bryant]

Auburn.

[OSUG1]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry"

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

" Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

[skitch]

Oh my God, hahahhahahaha.

[daflyboys]

An 8 year old boy and his 6 year brother awaken in their bunk beds early one Saturday morning. The 8 yo turns to his brother and says, "ok, today's the day we're gonna start cursin' around here! To start off, I'm gonna say "$hit" and you're gonna say "a$$". Nervously, the little brother says, "o-okay". So in a little while they both make their way downstairs to the kitchen where there mom has been anticipating their arrival for the morning meal. "Good morning boys," the mom sings, "what would you two like for breakfast?" The 8 yo replies with a surly look on his face, "aww, $hit, mom, I'll take some Corn Flakes!" Shocked, the mother quickly snaps back, "YOU MARCH YOURSELF RIGHT UP TO YOUR ROOM YOUNG MAN AND BE PREPARED FOR THE SPANKING OF YOUR LIFE!" Quickly, the 8 yo rushes up the stairs to his room without hesitation. The mother, then turns abruptly to the 6 yo and sternly asks, "WELL, what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" Nervously, the 6 yo replies, "well, you can bet your a$$ I don't want any of those Corn Flakes!"

Hahah, that was hilarious. Here's an old one that you've probably heard.

There once was a man named Dave. He went to buy a hooker in a cave. She was less one tit and stunk like $hit, but think of the money Dave saved.

[WTF]

There was this newlywed couple named John and Wendy. John and Wendy were very unexperienced sexually and had never fooled around. For their honeymoon, they decided a romantic trip to Jamaica would be great.

When they arrived, they decided they'd expereince Jamaica to the fullest and go to a nude beach. When they got there, they both got undressed when John said.. "Honey, I have a suprise for you..." while pointing at his penis. On it, Wendy could make out the letter's "WY"... she thought for a moment, and said, What does the WY stand for?

"Well" he replied, "When I'm not erect, it says WY, but when I'm erect, it says Wendy"... very impressed by this loyal gesture, she decided this called for a celebration. John went up to the wet bar and noticed this large Jamaican bartender. He looked down at the bartenders package, and noticed that he had the letters "WY" on his penis as well. John looked at the man and asked "That's great, is your girlfriends name Wendy too?"

The bartender looked at him and said proudly... "Nah mon... mine says Welcome to Jamaica, Enjoy your Stay!"