Joke Thread

[Bobolini]

Why Sentence structure is so important...

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were
both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire
the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss
approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have
to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I have a terrible headache."

[Acid]

Quote: Originally Posted by Bobolini

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy" The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Probably my favorite joke in this thread.

[skitch]

Quote: Originally Posted by Bobolini

Why Sentence structure is so important... The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I have a terrible headache."

:y4: That's great.

[MJ23]

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"



P.S i did not make this up

[X*Cell]

Quote: Originally Posted by MJ23

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?" P.S i did not make this up

what an idiot.

[MJ23]

A teacher comes into the class room and there is a red apple with the letter "T" on it setting on her desk. She asks: "My what a pretty apple. Who brought this to me?"

Little girl in the front row replies: "I did teacher."

The teacher asks: "What does the letter "T" stand for?"

"Teacher", she replies.

The next day there is a great big red apple, with the letters "TT" on it.

"My what a big beautiful apple who brought this to me?"

Little boy in the back row says: "I did."

"Why thank you, but what do the letters "TT" stand for?"

"To Teacher", he replies.

A couple of days later there is a huge watermelon on her desk with the letters "****" on it.

She asks: "Who brought this watermelon in?"

A little black boy in the center of the class replies: "Why i did teacher".

"Why thank you very much. We'll have this at recess, but do you know what the letters stand for?", she asks in a upset tone.

"Yes maam. From Us Colored Kids..."

[MJ23]

There once was a third grader named Jimmy. Every time the teacher would say something, Jimmy would say, "How about that!"

One day, the teacher said, "And then George Washington crossed the Delaware."

Jimmy said, "How about that!"

The teacher told Jimmy, "If you say that one more time, you are going out into the hall, mister!"

To that, Jimmy replied, ",Well, how about that!"

Taking him by the arm, the teacher marched Jimmy into the hall and said, "While you're out here, I want you to write a poem to tell the class."

Twenty minutes later, the teacher came out to get Jimmy and said, "Before we go back in, I want to hear your poem."

Jimmy said, "As I stood in the hall, I saw a cockroach go up the wall. How about that!"

The teacher said, "That's fine, Jimmy, but I want you to leave the **** out."

She took him back into the classroom and announced that Jimmy had a poem for the class.

Jimmy stood up and said, "As I stood in the hall, I saw a roach go up the wall with his **** out. How about that!"

[MJ23]

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.

"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors."

The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."

"Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"