Joke Thread

[MJ23]

Why are black people so tall?

cuz theyre negros (knee grows)

[OSUG1]

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and, 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said, "That's nothing! A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and, 2 years later, he won a gold medal in Track and Field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and meth and she rode a galloping horse head-on into an 18-wheeler traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the
woman's blonde hair and the horse's ***. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York

[OSUG1]

A West Texas Cowboy's wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With super-human strength, borne of fury and cutting calves, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his tally-whacker in a vise, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next, she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The banged up Cowboy was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off with that rusty saw,are you? "The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set this old shed on fire and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want."

[Bobolini]

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."


The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy"

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[NoleFan]

Good stuff guys. I've been sending 1 of these per day to a friend of mine. She's found them all very funny!

[skitch]

Quote: Originally Posted by Bobolini

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy" The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

:y4: Classic.

[NoleFan]

Yeah, I'm gonna send her that one tomorrow. Today she got this one...

Quote:

An adult woman in her late 20's is still living at home with her mother and father. One day, her mother walks by her room to find her daughter pleasuring herself with a vibrator. In shock, her mother exclaims, "I can't believe you're doing that! You should be married by now and let a man pleasure you!" The daughter snaps back, "What for? This thing is just as good as any husband! Who needs men!!" She then rushed her mother out of her room and slammed the door. The mother distraught, told her husband about their daughter and wondered what they would do. That Sunday, their daughter returned from a shopping trip and upon entering the house heard a familiar noise coming from her father's TV den. She walked into the room and was aghast to see her vibrator sitting on the couch next to her father, activated, and on "high". Shockingly, she cried out, "DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Her father replied, "I'm watching football with my son-in-law."

[Beantown]

Oh man.