The damage that online social media can do to you is becoming apparent

[ODogg]

Quote: Originally Posted by baumy300

First off, congratulations on breaking the conditioning ODogg. Not everyone can, does, or even wants to. That's a big first step. Even though it is hard to top DamnYanks post, I will build off it. For starters, I don't even like you ODogg, but now I respect you, and I would rather be respected than liked every time. It takes balls to admit what you did. So now I feel obligated to respond. It sounds like you have realized the true purpose of the disease we know as social media, which is simply here for no other reason than to emasculate you and create a dopamine loop that feeds off of approval and words of affirmation by strangers you don't even know. This conditions you to accept and participate in group think or the "current thing" in a desperate attempt to conform or fit in. We seek those likes or small confirmations from others to reassure ourselves we believe the right things and act the right way, because we are either insecure or lacking the confidence to go against the grain for no other purpose than it doesn't fit our perception of X topic.

Wow, I read your entire post, very insightful. I am in agreement with a lot of what you say, although not sure it's an intention of social media, the end result is where we are, with, exactly as you say, people are clinging to a facade of a life to illicit approval.

I think my therapist for helping me to realize this. I think I would have come to the same conclusion eventually but I was sort of having trouble making that leap.

I am 52 and I have just turned a proverbial corner in my view on the world. First of all, I am tired of people taking "sides" as if each topic, whether it's bologna sandwiches or the Pope, on each and every issue.

Everything now is team oriented, what team are you on??

There are no more shades of gray, no more variance in tone or emotion, only group, or team speak and thought. The individual is not something to be celebrated but denigrated.

What prompted all of this angst and insight to my current situation? A simple post in a PC forum about a mouse I reviewed. My post in a PC forum was about 5 paragraphs talking about the mouse and illicited nearly 300 comments, of which about 80% were taking me to task for how my review was "too long".

I didn't feel anger or sadness towards the people for attacking me.

Instead, I felt puzzlement as to why anyone in their right mind would be proud to say they don't like to read and five paragraphs was "too much".

The world, at least how it is presented on social media, is upside down right now with people proud to be ignorant and willfully resistant to embracing any sort of intellectual thought. It must be group think and you must act as if you are part of the herd, even when you are not.

I stand alone, a character of my own making, someone who nearly had a bit of a meltdown over whether to join the said herd, and feel compliant and happy in those chains of dumbing myself down for the group. Or should I embrace my "weirdness" in relation to my way of thinking for myself and acting what many might call too uppity or too "smart".

It's not anger or apathy towards people like me that the people online feel, it's fear. They fear individual thought and someone who simply does not care what the herd wants, where its headed or what it considers the "sacred cows" that one must not violate.

This temporary mini-crisis that I had was dutifully resolved by my insight into the fact that yes I am different. I can write, I can think outside of the box and I offer insights that many people feel completely uncomfortable about.

And none of that is a bad thing.

Without individual thinkers, if we have total group think, we all must be as dumb as the lowest common denominator in the heard. And that, to me, is completely unacceptable.

In my view we need more Elon Musks, the weirdos who are smart and think different. They are who drives the human race to greater heights, not dumb us down as the herd wants to do.

I would rather be ostracized for who I am than become someone I am not for approval that is insincere and from strangers that I do not know, nor ever care to know. That is difficult in practice but easy to write and to know once I figured it out. And once you practice it, the feeling of liberation is immense.

Now as for me, and some of the things you say in your comments that you should know.

Yes I am 52 and having survived testicular cancer my body produces very little testosterone. I am on testosterone shots for the rest of my life. It is monitored quite closely by my doctors (I see multiple doctors on a regular basis as treatment to avoid a relapse of cancer)

I am in the best shape of my life thanks to resolving my mental health issues and that included abusing food. I have lost about 100 pounds and at 6 foot tall and 217 pounds I am within about 30 pounds of my ideal, normal weight. I also no longer drink thanks to medicinal marijuana and therapy which have helped me to control my demons and at times almost crippling anxiety.

I am currently in psychotherapy and have been for about 6 months. I have used general therapy for about 4 years now. I am happily married to a wife that is beautiful, as smart as me and is 11 years younger. We have a great marriage and yes we spend a lot of time having discussions about issues like this. We tried to have children but failed, even tried IVF which we are still paying for but we are ok with that and plan to travel some once we retire.

My insight, or ephinany, if you will, is that I do not need to box or do anything physical to be a man, or masculine. I am 100% confident now in who I am and what I consider to be my strengths (intellectual thought, a problem solver, someone who believes in equality and justice) and my weaknesses (having been raised with no men in my life I tend to be more endearing to a womans perspective which may or may not be a weakness to people, but to most men is considered a weakness).

I have found inner peace (which I realize sounds corny) by being able to act in a Christian manner - btw I am not Christian, and that means turning the other cheek many times daily, both in person and online.

This does not mean I am weak. It means I am selective and pick my battles accordingly. I will confront anyone who I think needs confronted, especially those who try to bully, or run over, those weaker than themselves.

However my goal in life now is to achieve happiness for my wife and I and try to bring happiness to all those I interact with in the best possible way. So confrontations or engagements with hostile people should be minimal and only when necessary. This is especially applicable online where the goal of many seems to be to "win" discussions instead of engage the other person in thoughtful dialogue. And when one cannot win then the goal is to destroy the other persons moral and soul, which is an insidious side effect of social media unfortunately. Sadly many of those folks engaging in it do not even realize this and just do it as a form of habit.

Many people online are not able to be helped. It's very clear when you see them. All they are doing is looking for validation themselves that they will never find. And since they do not find it they become meaner and more vicious trying to find it. They will savagely attack even the best of people hoping to finally get that validation that they are "the winner" in any online interaction. That attitude can destroy others but it rots your soul from the inside and it festers and grows and ruins people.

I compared it online to setting off a bomb that destroys the other person into nothingness but also blows off part of your legs. Sure you "won" but look at you now, unable to walk. Best analogy I can think of. That's social media in a nutshell for many.

When I started this new relationship with social media I did not know if I could follow one simple principle:

Bring happiness, or hope, to all that I interact with in any way that I can.

And to those that I cannot reach I simply do not engage with. If they choose to engage with me I simply do not engage, no matter how they try to bait me into doing so.

It wasn't easy at first but it is now and it's only been weeks.

I am an individual. I am unique and unlike anyone else. I belong to many groups, on all spectrums. No one else is like me. I do not belong to any herd except the human herd.

I feel as if I have turned a major corner and in the span of just a few months my life has changed, significantly. I hope this means I can live longer to experience life with my beautiful wife Stefanie.

Either way I think that the remaining years of my life on this planet will be far better than the first 51 years on it.

[ODogg]

Also, yes I can write a lot, LOL!! I know that may bother some folks, LOL, if so I apologize. That's me, that's just how I do.

I can summarize it here for those folks: I'm far happier with less social media

[kehlis]

You and Blzer are for sure 1a and 1b when it comes to long posts.

[ODogg]

Quote: Originally Posted by kehlis

You and Blzer are for sure 1a and 1b when it comes to long posts.

I actually got penalized in high school for too long of essays so I had to start asking what was the MAX rather than the minimum. No joke

[CoffeyN]

If you think FB and Twitter are bad, you should see the **** people post on Yelp!

[kehlis]

Quote: Originally Posted by CoffeyN

If you think FB and Twitter are bad, you should see the **** people post on Yelp!

High alert for post of the year.

[mike24forever]

Quote: Originally Posted by CoffeyN

If you think FB and Twitter are bad, you should see the **** people post on Yelp!

Amazing. No words.

[AUChase]

Quote: Originally Posted by CoffeyN

If you think FB and Twitter are bad, you should see the **** people post on Yelp!

ayo