Yet another relationship thread...

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I need you guys opinion on this matter. I'm trying to figure out if I'm just overreacting or is there something more to it.

Ok, here is the details. I broke up with my ex about a month ago but we're still FB friends, etc...and everything was fine and dandy for a few weeks, I was trying to move on right. Well then it came to my attention that my buddy's wife and my ex still communicate. I mean, I understand that given all the years we were together that she could have created bonds with some of my friends and their spouses but I could have sworn that once you breakup with a person, you break up with everything that came along with them...including mutual friends.

Common sense warns me of all the pitfalls that can develop if they continue to contact eachother. One is that she can and possibly will create a split amungst us by playing like she is a victim and creating some sort of perception about me behind my back. Wouldn't put it past her honestly. Another is her learning about my business and vice versa and who knows what spitfull bs she could cook up if she recieves the wrong news one day. Plus I dont want to know who she is dating and I dont want it to reach a point where my friends hold secrets from me which in turn would make me question my friendship to these people. All this could be avoided if she simply got out of my life.

(backstory on my friends wife and my ex: they were fake friends IMO. She has never shown much interest in hanging out or communicating with her until after the breakup, or so it seemed)

To make matter worse, my buddys wife's bday was coming up and my ex took it upon herself to invite her out for a drink. All of this was discovered on FB. After the discovery I contacted my ex and let her know everything I wrote above along with how uncomfortable it made me feel. Bottom line is that by her continuing to be in my circle of friends, I will inevitably hear something about her..whether positive or negative and she will inevitably hear something about me. Thats not how you get over a breakup. I still do have feelings for her even though I'm the one who wanted out but she refuses to let me move on it seems.

Thats not all folks!

After we talked and came to an understanding on the situation with my friends wife she claimed she understood how I felt and decided to leave her be. Fast forward to this week....this mf made it a point to call me and inform me that she just got a membership at this gym. Only thing is, another friend of mines works at this gym. She knew this beforehand also. She claimed it was cheaper and convienent...like really? Now once again we had to talk about how uncomfortable this made me feel. Not that my buddy will try to nail..its just like the first instance with my buddys wife. A situation like that will produce unneccessary gossip, a possible divide in friendship and more importantly, we will still be within ears reach of eachothers business. Why cant she just move on and stay away from my ppl.

I've been having a tough time adjusting to being single again and I've been questioning my friendships lately and these situations involving my ex isn't helping. She knows this. Am I overreacting? Is it just insecurites on my part that I need to get over? Or is this chick really pulling out every stop to make me jealous? I donno. I need some hardlegged opinions.

[wwharton]

Being completely real, you're complaining about her not moving on but you're not moving on. It's a small world. Who cares if she's doing things to get under your skin or stay somewhat connected or not? You're the one letting it get to you. Move on with your life, deal with anyone who betrays your friendship accordingly, and most importantly, stop trying to control what she can and can't do after you've told her you don't want to be with her anymore. Her motivation for her actions doesn't matter. If she wants to do things like that it should just make her uncomfortable in the end. The more you get uncomfortable and let her know the more she'll do it if that's her reasoning in the first place.

[shugknight]

To me, it sounds like you're the one that is still trying to keep her a part of your life. If she was hanging out with your best friend, then I can see something wrong. But this is your friend's wife we're talking about. Unless you hung out with the wife occasionally, it shouldn't bother you.

I had girlfriends that did not have many female friends before they met my friend's girlfriends/wives, so after we would break up, they would still hang out because well that was my ex's only female friends.

And you have to understand that she also has a life and if she decides to get a membership that your friend works at, that's her decision. You can't keep nagging her about these little things, otherwise you're really never going to get over her.

If you really want to get over her, you would know that you both have to move on with your lives.

First off, stop being friends with her on FB. Having access to her profile only gives you a way to stalk her and see what she's doing.

Second, stop thinking about her and go on with your life. Get out of town, have a guys night, or go out on a date. As long as you're not thinking about her, that's the first step of getting over her.

This is just my opinion, but I feel like you're the one at fault.

[Graphik]

Quote: Originally Posted by wwharton

Being completely real, you're complaining about her not moving on but you're not moving on. It's a small world. Who cares if she's doing things to get under your skin or stay somewhat connected or not? You're the one letting it get to you. Move on with your life, deal with anyone who betrays your friendship accordingly, and most importantly, stop trying to control what she can and can't do after you've told her you don't want to be with her anymore. Her motivation for her actions doesn't matter. If she wants to do things like that it should just make her uncomfortable in the end. The more you get uncomfortable and let her know the more she'll do it if that's her reasoning in the first place.

Could be right but the thing is, I have moved on. Why she is still within arms reach is beyond me. I'm just afraid of the possibilities that can come from this. She knew in the end I didn't trust her and now I feel like she's only doing these things to make me jealous. If anything, I feel like she refuses to move on.

I feel you on the control. I let it be known that I'm definitely not trying to control her but if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd steer clear of her friends for the obvious reasons. Why she doesn't understand is baffling me. Its all a matter of consideration IMO. I know the world is small and she will more than likely bump into my ppl and I will to but why put yourself in a situation where these meetings will become the norm is twisted logic. Or maybe I'm just not with the times.

[Graphik]

Quote: Originally Posted by shugknight

To me, it sounds like you're the one that is still trying to keep her a part of your life. If she was hanging out with your best friend, then I can see something wrong. But this is your friend's wife we're talking about. Unless you hung out with the wife occasionally, it shouldn't bother you. I had girlfriends that did not have many female friends before they met my friend's girlfriends/wives, so after we would break up, they would still hang out because well that was my ex's only female friends. And you have to understand that she also has a life and if she decides to get a membership that your friend works at, that's her decision. You can't keep nagging her about these little things, otherwise you're really never going to get over her. If you really want to get over her, you would know that you both have to move on with your lives. First off, stop being friends with her on FB. Having access to her profile only gives you a way to stalk her and see what she's doing. Second, stop thinking about her and go on with your life. Get out of town, have a guys night, or go out on a date. As long as you're not thinking about her, that's the first step of getting over her. This is just my opinion, but I feel like you're the one at fault.

How am I trying to keep her in my life? If anything I want her out of it. She knows how I feel yet she refuses to let me move on. I swear to jebus that we've broken up 5 times over the last year alone. Some a few weeks, others a month...but each time before has she never pulled some of these stunts.

We've only recently started talking again this week and just like a bitter ex who wants you back, she's pulling out all the moves. Such as telling me how awesome her life is going, how she's fxing up her place, getting tatoos and ish.

Plus she made it a point to let me know about the gym membership which means she knew I would be uncomfortable with it. She called it a "heads up". I'm like WTF!

I mean, I'm being real with myself in saying I still have feelings for her and she let me know her feelings are still there. I would just like to move on and not have to deal with having her still in the picture. She's really not making that easy. I'm trying to figure if any of this is intentional.

[shugknight]

No she's the one that is moving on. She's going out with other people and living her life. Yes, they're related to your circle of friends, but they're not your immediate friends. It's not like she's hanging out with your close friends and waiting for you to show up at the bar you and your friends are always hanging out at. She's hanging out with your friend's wife, not your best friend.

And stop talking to her. How do you expect to move on if you continue to talk to her? She tells you her life is awesome, well then be happy with her and tell her how your life has been awesome. If your life hasn't been awesome, go out, live your life, and make it awesome so you stop thinking about this girl.

And she got a gym membership to a place your friend works at. Is this the same gym you work out at? If not, then who cares?!?! Do you really feel insecure that she's going to go up to your friend, talk about you, then have your friend come back and tell you all the details? If he does that, then he truly isn't your friend. Bros before hoes.

And whether or not it's intentional, don't let it affect you. Problem solved. If you're going out, having fun, dating other people, doing your own thing, she should be the last thing on your mind because it will be occupied with other more important things. But because you're not doing this and constantly think "what if she does this" or "why is she doing this" then you're simply not moving on.

If you truly want to get over her and move on with your life, eliminate all forms of communication with her.

[mestevo]

Personally - and this is being influenced by my own experience - I'd go for a clean break at this point. Disconnect Facebook's, just say you need some time to look forward rather than back, put your head down and live your life. You can and will cause more problems than you fix by trying to micromanage friends' relationships.

There will be some run ins, she'll be mentioned from time to time, but don't make a big deal of it. It's going to happen. Duck the drama and move on. If it's fake as you suspect/know, then that will happen less and less as time goes on.

Years later I'm friends with my ex, even though she wasn't there when I needed her as my best friend, and stayed friends with a few of my friends for a while (which I overreacted to), etc. You just need time. Now we chat from time to time, both of us married with kid(s), comfortable as adults and friends (~34 y/o) - something we couldn't do when we were younger and stupid. (~20 y/o). After that relationship not only did I not move on, I was married 3 months later. Hell of a rebound that corrected itself after 9 months or so. That's when I put my head down, and a couple of years later met my wife.

[Graphik]

Quote: Originally Posted by shugknight

No she's the one that is moving on. She's going out with other people and living her life. Yes, they're related to your circle of friends, but they're not your immediate friends. It's not like she's hanging out with your close friends and waiting for you to show up at the bar you and your friends are always hanging out at. She's hanging out with your friend's wife, not your best friend. And stop talking to her. How do you expect to move on if you continue to talk to her? She tells you her life is awesome, well then be happy with her and tell her how your life has been awesome. If your life hasn't been awesome, go out, live your life, and make it awesome so you stop thinking about this girl. And she got a gym membership to a place your friend works at. Is this the same gym you work out at? If not, then who cares?!?! Do you really feel insecure that she's going to go up to your friend, talk about you, then have your friend come back and tell you all the details? If he does that, then he truly isn't your friend. Bros before hoes. And whether or not it's intentional, don't let it affect you. Problem solved. If you're going out, having fun, dating other people, doing your own thing, she should be the last thing on your mind because it will be occupied with other more important things. But because you're not doing this and constantly think "what if she does this" or "why is she doing this" then you're simply not moving on. If you truly want to get over her and move on with your life, eliminate all forms of communication with her.

Good ish suge. Appreciate it bro. Btw, it is a gym I will be working out at. She knew that too. And yes, it is about being insecure. Her newfound awesomeness is being rubbed in my face because I dumped her. Why do you think she's getting a gym membership anyway. She never wanted to do so when we were together.

As far as the friend thing goes, I would have liked to consider them my immediate since we all hang out together quite often. Like I mentioned before, she made it seem like she never quite liked my buddies wife and only as an associate and now she wants to stay in touch. Fishy.

Also, I forgot to mention how and why I feel this way. My babys mom did some of the exact same things. To the point where I actually did have to rid ppl out of my life. This trick had a couple of my once friends help her move a long time ago. Thing is, despite me being in my childs and my friends life, nobody decided to mention this to me until months after it happened. So yes, all the while I sit in my friends faces, they were in direct communication with my BM and kept it secret for whatever reasons. So I'm adamant on this not happening again. Which is the reason why I feel so bitch right now.

I like you advice tho, I'm trying to take heed.