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Buddy Grant · 03-29-2004, 04:01 PM

Top 10 Reasons Why Billy Joel Does Not Rule
1. Billy Joel in his heyday was the type of pop entertainer your Sunday School teacher would listen to.
2. His music was depressing, so depressing that even if you liked Joel when he had the hits, you probably don't want to admit that or even remember those songs today.
3. The person that gave you a Billy Joel album for Christmas tended to be the person most out of touch with what young people liked and were listening too (I suspect a large portion of his album sales were to Grandparents who wanted to surprise their niece).
4. Unlike most pop stars, Billy Joel always looked about 10-15 years older than he really was. I imagine that was to better sell his image to the grandparent types mentioned in reason #3.
5. He looked like a beat walking policeman. I mean it is not nice to make fun of the way people look but come on, seriously, WTF.
6. Besides the out of touch grandparents in reason #3, the next biggest purchaser of Billy Joel albums must have been piano players that already had every Carpenters and Captain & Tenille album.
7. Music is a subjective thing. That being said, most of Billy Joel's songs were total shit.
8. His performances were depressing and boring. Most piano players acknowledge that watching someone play the piano is one of the most boring tasks you will encounter in life, and they go to great measures to try to distract you with either funny sunglasses (Elton John) or by playing the piano with their elbow (John Lennon) or feet (Jerry Lee Lewis). Billy Joel did not do any of those things. He just got over-the-top-emotional-artist who-looks-like-they-are-trying to-push-out-a-stubborn-bowel-movement. All the while looking like a cop, and sweating profusely, always with the profuse sweating.
9. When the piano teachers and grandparents had purchased all his albums already and sales began to fade he did not bow out gracefully, he forced one of the worst songs ever written on people as a bitter "fuck you" to the world: "We Didn't Start The Fire". No, I started the god damn fire. I did it because I thought Billy Joel was still in the stupid glass house!
10. In a desperate attempt to appeal to customers under the age of 55 he made an album with Cyndi Lauper.

Bonus reason: He made elevator music before there even was such a thing - just listen to his hit "Just The Way You Are" if you don't believe me.

03-29-2004, 04:01 PM	#47
Buddy Grant High School JV Join Date: Oct 2000	Top 10 Reasons Why Billy Joel Does Not Rule 1. Billy Joel in his heyday was the type of pop entertainer your Sunday School teacher would listen to. 2. His music was depressing, so depressing that even if you liked Joel when he had the hits, you probably don't want to admit that or even remember those songs today. 3. The person that gave you a Billy Joel album for Christmas tended to be the person most out of touch with what young people liked and were listening too (I suspect a large portion of his album sales were to Grandparents who wanted to surprise their niece). 4. Unlike most pop stars, Billy Joel always looked about 10-15 years older than he really was. I imagine that was to better sell his image to the grandparent types mentioned in reason #3. 5. He looked like a beat walking policeman. I mean it is not nice to make fun of the way people look but come on, seriously, WTF. 6. Besides the out of touch grandparents in reason #3, the next biggest purchaser of Billy Joel albums must have been piano players that already had every Carpenters and Captain & Tenille album. 7. Music is a subjective thing. That being said, most of Billy Joel's songs were total shit. 8. His performances were depressing and boring. Most piano players acknowledge that watching someone play the piano is one of the most boring tasks you will encounter in life, and they go to great measures to try to distract you with either funny sunglasses (Elton John) or by playing the piano with their elbow (John Lennon) or feet (Jerry Lee Lewis). Billy Joel did not do any of those things. He just got over-the-top-emotional-artist who-looks-like-they-are-trying to-push-out-a-stubborn-bowel-movement. All the while looking like a cop, and sweating profusely, always with the profuse sweating. 9. When the piano teachers and grandparents had purchased all his albums already and sales began to fade he did not bow out gracefully, he forced one of the worst songs ever written on people as a bitter "fuck you" to the world: "We Didn't Start The Fire". No, I started the god damn fire. I did it because I thought Billy Joel was still in the stupid glass house! 10. In a desperate attempt to appeal to customers under the age of 55 he made an album with Cyndi Lauper. Bonus reason: He made elevator music before there even was such a thing - just listen to his hit "Just The Way You Are" if you don't believe me.