[PilotMan]

Ahh, yeah. We drove Zach down to Richmond last Monday for his move in. It was ok I suppose. His room is perfect for one person, he has a great view, and it's not terribly far away. Then we all drove back home again.

The day before, on Sunday, he and I flew down to Somerset, KY, Cumberland River area for a day trip, just the two of us.

We got the courtesy car, had a great lunch on the river, played some disc golf, drank rootbeer floats, and enjoyed a bit of people watching at the totally not socially distant KY summer getaway land. It was the best catharsis that I could have ever found. We flew back and I got to show him that I can still fly little planes, and demoed a couple of commercial flight maneuvers he will need to master after he finishes instrument.

We landed right before sunset and it capped off a great day.

Yesterday, he took off for school for real. I was good most of the week and day of. It wasn't until right before he left that I was trying to explain how it's all different, that I got emotional. He said nearly the same thing I said to my own mom when I left, and I agreed with him. But reiterated that things were never going back to the way they were. That he was crossing into a new world from where we will never return. It'll be ok, but all those things that were our lives for so long were gone forever.

All in all, there is a bit of relief that I didn't expect. The idea that he's is on his own, and his own man, and his own path, is now his own. That we, as parents, did it. We succeeded and that the realization of just how much time he took up in our lives, especially getting us to this finish line was incredible, and that now, some of the pressure has been relieved. I didn't expect that.

I also didn't expect that I came to a realization about my own father. By my accounts, he's a failed father, despite his own visions of his own success. My wife had pointed out this, and I just couldn't understand it, but I finally saw it yesterday. He never, ever, in his life, had to put anyone's needs in front of his own, and he never has since. That concept that parents wake up and think about their kids and family needs, never changed him. He just wasn't at it long enough. It still makes him a shitty parent, and it still makes me just shake my head wondering how you go years without seeing your kid and grandkids, but he wakes up every day, and none of that even occurs to him as an option. It's not in his line of sight. I only could see this because, without Zach being at home, there was room to think about other options and other things that we might be able to do. It was an odd realization.

Today, I am not as bad as I had thought. The newness might wear off one day, but for now I am content with the reality of it, and the hope the he will be everything that I know he can be. I get to spend all my attention on my other boys, and the wife and we can explore more things that previously maybe not have been an option.