Quote:
Originally Posted by Butter
Thoughts?
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I'm just now seeing this, been away for a while.
I would echo much of what Izulde said...and maybe even take it a step further.
I think what you are really struggling with is the cliche concept of letting go. I have had very explicit conversations with my son (basically the same age, hes a hs jr) that are in essence me saying, I want you to be successful and achieve what ever you want to in life. I am doing my best to mold you and teach you the lessons you want. But once you graduate it is up to you to fly or crash on your own. Once they are adults my "job" is done. Now I make sure they know Ill always love them. And Ill be proud of them however they choose to live. But I will no longer sacrifice for them. If they choose to make bad decisions they will feel the brunt of those choices. Like any adult would.
I'm fond of saying you will always be welcome back home for a meal, but never two.
AT this point it really is totally out of your control which path he chooses. And that's ok. It's ok, normal and even commendable to want whats bets for him. But if he gains 25 or 50 or 100 lbs, thats on him. It isnt a reflection of you or mom or your job as parents. He has to understand that, and maybe more importantly YOU have to understand that. He really is his own person now.
Another line my kids have heard too many times, I'll never try to steal the credit if you change the world, but I aint taking the blame if you screw up either.
Man you guys are good parents. You've done right by him. You've also screwed up at times. Guess what, so has everyone in this thread and every parent alive. It comes with the job. Your kid has screwed up too, so did you at his age.
One point I want to pull out of your initial post is about the car.
Ok you made 2 good rule. Location services on and dont use the phone while driving. If he doesn't usually leave location service on, and he legitimately forgot - in other words if his story is true- he was in a bit of a no win, right?
'Crap I should have turned location on but forgot. What do I do? Do I keep driving with it off and break the rules, or do I break the rules and use my phone to turn it on? Again IF his story is legit, there is a silver lining that he WANTED to follow the rules. He just failed to implement them correctly. Im not sure that I would have punished there for anything. That was a great teaching moment. THIS IS WHY YOU DONT USE YOUR PHONE AND DRIVE. Thank GOD its a flat and a scratch do you see how it coudl have been MUCH worse?
Again that comes into parenting style a bit. But at 17 be bad get your hand slapped...really isnt (in my case) a behavior altering process. Teaching the why for the rule is much more important than forcing compliance for the sake of compliance.
Just remember, the fact that your are there - in his life- and he will even talk to you puts you in the top 20 percentile these days. Don't let perfection be the enemy of really damn good.