Front Office Football Central - View Single Post - Kid(s) leaving home

Logan · 05-10-2018, 08:08 AM

Wow, a lot of stuff in there. First I wish you and your wife luck in figuring out how to deal with this. Second, my kid is at the point where she just realized she can take off her diaper and run around so feel free to focus more on the advice offered by those who have more directly dealt with these issues already.

Having said that, I kinda think that not only are you not delusional for letting him go away to college, I think you have to and it really might be best for him. It seems like you need to let him sink or swim on his own here. Maybe he really ends up performing better in college when he thinks it actually matters, like he said. There are some positive signs...obviously the good test scores to get into all of these schools shows he has the ability, I think proactively reaching out to the coach about being the manager is an awesome sign, committing to living with kids who share a common major shows he is looking for a group to identify with, etc.

Obviously you're frustrated by all this but I'd try and see to what point your frustration is projecting out to him that you don't actually believe he can accomplish all this and live on his own. Maybe try to take the approach of..."we are giving you this opportunity because we believe you can handle the responsibility. We won't be there to watch you, make sure you are doing what needs to be done, or fix your mistakes. You're an adult on your own and while we'll be here if you need us, this is your chance to start leading the life you want to lead."

You're not going to be able to stop him from drinking and going to parties but make sure he understands how that works with his medicine and the importance of moderation and that, again, HE is the one who is responsible for it. I wouldn't worry about the overeating...if he ends up putting on 50 lbs, it's a consequence he lives with. But maybe being the manager of a football team, watching kids his age doing a lot of training and eating at least nutritionally, that rubs off on him and it changes his own behaviors.

Good luck to all of you.

05-10-2018, 08:08 AM	#85
Logan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: NYC	Wow, a lot of stuff in there. First I wish you and your wife luck in figuring out how to deal with this. Second, my kid is at the point where she just realized she can take off her diaper and run around so feel free to focus more on the advice offered by those who have more directly dealt with these issues already. Having said that, I kinda think that not only are you not delusional for letting him go away to college, I think you have to and it really might be best for him. It seems like you need to let him sink or swim on his own here. Maybe he really ends up performing better in college when he thinks it actually matters, like he said. There are some positive signs...obviously the good test scores to get into all of these schools shows he has the ability, I think proactively reaching out to the coach about being the manager is an awesome sign, committing to living with kids who share a common major shows he is looking for a group to identify with, etc. Obviously you're frustrated by all this but I'd try and see to what point your frustration is projecting out to him that you don't actually believe he can accomplish all this and live on his own. Maybe try to take the approach of..."we are giving you this opportunity because we believe you can handle the responsibility. We won't be there to watch you, make sure you are doing what needs to be done, or fix your mistakes. You're an adult on your own and while we'll be here if you need us, this is your chance to start leading the life you want to lead." You're not going to be able to stop him from drinking and going to parties but make sure he understands how that works with his medicine and the importance of moderation and that, again, HE is the one who is responsible for it. I wouldn't worry about the overeating...if he ends up putting on 50 lbs, it's a consequence he lives with. But maybe being the manager of a football team, watching kids his age doing a lot of training and eating at least nutritionally, that rubs off on him and it changes his own behaviors. Good luck to all of you.