[Butter]

So, I would like some advice about my son. Sorry in advance for the wall of text, but trying to put stuff in context for everyone.

He is getting ready to graduate high school. He has always been a decent student, but the last couple of years of high school have been absolutely excruciating. Seems like he is constantly on the brink of failure, mainly because he doesn't want to do work. He is always blowing off work... basically doing whatever will pull him into the station right at a C. He barely passed college trig and is going to scrape by with a middling D in English. Everything else will finish around a C, maybe even a D. He was in a fair number of honors classes, so that GPA will probably be like a 2.4-2.5 overall.

Despite that record, he got accepted at all the in-state schools he applied to because his test scores are pretty good. He picked one, thankfully the cheapest one but still a good school.

I should also note that we do not have a great relationship. It is ok at times, but rough at others. He has been in counseling for 3-4 years, and is on a number of mood stabilizing medication. Frankly, I want him to be out and try to live on his own. He needs to grow. I have probably coddled him a little too much, accepting his lying excuses for things. He is a smart kid, but literally zero work ethic when it comes to school, unless he really likes the teacher or subject. He likes being involved in about 20 things at once, because he is extremely social. He would rather be in a church or school club than in class.

A couple of examples of me trying to force him to grow up this year: he finally got his driver's license about 2 months short of 18. Two main rules I told him for driving the car:
1. You must turn location services on your phone so I know where you are with the car.
2. NEVER use a phone while behind the wheel of a car.
Third day of driving, he calls me and tells me he had a flat. Looking at the car, he clearly scraped the front end on something. Why? Because he had forgotten to turn location services on, and was attempting to do it while the car was in motion.

Next: There was a senior trip he was going on. I drop him off. A half hour later, I get a call that he is being sent home from the trip. I show up and it is because he possessed a vape device. It was purely a tobacco one, one that is apparently all the rage with teens right now. But since it was discovered prior to leaving for the trip, he was thrown off the trip and suspended from school for 3 days (his first ever school suspension... he is actually typically the target of bullies).

Finally, he has terrible impulse control. He is on his 2nd job... he actually likes working well enough. But as soon as he gets money he wants to spend it. Mainly on food.

He will have stretches where he seems to get it for like a week... followed by 2-3 weeks of struggle with arguments, poor choices, bad grades, etc. Then he spends the entire quarter or semester digging his way out of the bad choices he's made.

You may say that we should punish him harder. But when I have, he basically takes it and turns around for a little bit like I mention. Then a few weeks later, we are back to where we usually are. OR in his more defiant moments, he will say things like "school is meaningless, until you get to college and are preparing for your career". Or "what else can you take away from me? It doesn't matter if you punish me, I'm not doing that work (for school)."

Anyway...

He has already reached out to this college's football team, that told him he could be a student assistant coach (I assume this equates to manager or like menial tasks). He somehow got accepted into the college's leadership "institute". He is going to be in a "learning community" also, which means a group of kids that live together that are in the same major / same interest.

My wife and I are basically giving him one semester to prove this isn't a terrible idea. Have given him simple rules... you must have mainly A's and B's with one C per semester allowed. Anything lower, and it's over. Any behavioral issues or lashing out at others (which I wouldn't expect, as he has only ever lashed out at me and his mother in anger) and it's over. We are making him take out some small loans to help cover school, so that he is financially invested. I even told him at the end of a solid year of college, we would consider getting a car for him to use for the following year.

My main concerns going in are: impulse control. Basically, meals are a buffet, and he could easily develop a major weight problem. He has been steadily up throughout high school... and while he is about 6'2", 250 right now, I fear for him the Freshman 15 will be the Freshman 45.

Also, obviously his grades. His peer pressure control... he told me he had a vape literally because "everyone else had one". So does that mean he's going to go out drinking because everyone else is? That is bad news for his medicine. Speaking of... consistency on taking his medicine could be an issue.

But at the end of the day, I am trying to get him ready to live on his own. I think he can do it. It will be hard, but he has to try to figure out life without us sometime.

I know that I am not exactly saddened at the thought of him not living in my house for a while. I think his mother feels similar. And he has outright told us that he is looking forward to not living at home.

Frankly, the first year won't be a major financial burden on us. If he flames out, it would hurt but not cripple from a money standpoint. We will chalk it up as a failed experiment and move on. But would I love to keep that $15,000 that it will cost us for a year? Sure.

Am I being delusional to even consider letting him go away to college? It is only about 2 hours from here, so far enough to be "away" but close enough to be accessible if needed.

Thoughts?